Despair

They say writing sorts out your thoughts. I hope they're right.

Jojo's no longer around. The fat girl left us today. There she was, lying on the table, cold and motionless. I stroked her fur, that short, shiny coat I loved so much. But she's gone.

The doctor explained that her heart failed during the final stages of surgery (spaying),  that her heartbeat got weaker and weaker.  It seems that it's not an external factor, but a problem with her heart.

This is so sudden. I was sleeping when mom woke me up crying. I even had an anxiety attack when I first closed my eyes this afternoon. I just can't stop thinking that I actually felt it coming.

Jojo didn't eat much this morning. But she was her usual self, running out as soon as the gates opened. Then it was time to bring them to the vet. Jojo was especially reluctant to get out of the car, and she even struggled a bit. She looked so scared in the cage at the back of the vet. I kept saying that it's okay, and I'll get her tomorrow morning. It's okay.

And she's gone. My precious girl is gone.